B(ack)log

It's been a while. I feel like blogging, but not putting much effort into it. Perhaps that will turn out for the best.

Louis and I were talking tonight and it got to the point in the conversation where we fell back to the root issue of our young Christian lives of needing to let Christ take charge and be living for Him. It's something that's been on my mind a lot of late - whether or not I'm going forward with my life in Christ and taking courage in that or if I'm going forward with my life simply because I want to prove to myself that I can do it and that I don't need to rely on anyone else, be it man or God.

I am still fairly unScriptured, but ever since an odd night in 2008 I've flown under the flag of the 23rd Psalm.

A Psalm of David.

¹ The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.

Then on Sunday down at BV the conversation at the table I was sitting at wandered to the subject of journaling - something I've been doing infrequently for a long time. So I popped an entry in last night and in the process flipped back over some past entries at how often the theme for me seems to be that I am not exalting the fact that the Lord is my shepherd. That I am very much taking center stage of my life and not wanting to give anyone else the floor even though I have no real story to tell and no part devised - simply the desire to be seen and admired and beloved. And one entry, likely written shortly after flipping through a certain section of Mere Christianity, shows me starting to state that "even though I haven't given Him center stage, at least He's in the theatre" and then sharply disagreeing with myself. There's always a point where we can no longer dilude ourselves and if I felt that Christ had walked out of my metaphorical theatre it would be much more dramatic and I would certainly go rushing after Him shouting, "Okay, fine, you can have the stage, just come back in!" But as long as He's sitting near the back and I know that He's there and waiting for me to invite Him to take the stage so that He can tell me His story it's so easy to just keep delaying it for want of those things that are not good for me and those things that I cannot obtain. I scream as a child for the food I want but haven't the teeth to chew.

"The Lord is my shepherd." Heavens be praised. It's so much easier that way. Didn't proof read. Deal with it.